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Helpful Article : Do we feel safe enough to heal our relationships?


We are biologically wired for safety; our physiology manages our internal systems so we can spring into action should danger approach, helping us to move away quickly. However, these signals are sometimes misunderstood by our primitive wiring which cannot discriminate between perceived and actual threat.

Let's imagine for a moment you are being told off by a loved one and your internal alarm system is set off, perhaps incorrectly, but never the less you become emotionally deregulated and feel uncomfortable.

Maybe it is felt as anger, dread, fear, or even restlessness. Maybe you're anxious or frustrated, even confused. No matter how you respond, understand that your nervous system is doing its best to keep you safe and help move you away from the danger it perceives. This response then becomes a patterned response inbuilt as a coping strategy for all future occasions.

Attachment research reveals that our earliest relationships will indicate the partner we choose as adults. So, are we trying to get our childhood needs met in our loving adult relationship?

When we are stuck in survival response, we can't think straight, as our ability to be in our cognitive brain diminishes radically, as our energy has temporarily gone to our limbs so we can move quickly. Our ability to have rational, meaningful conversation with those we love has temporary been removed too.

Feeling safe is vital if we are going to begin to repair from our old wounds. Also, understanding our patterned responses and those of our partners is required if we are going to begin to invite in those desired changes.

For more information about couples therapy and relationship counselling

Please feel free to call me for a no obligation free 15 minute phone consultation to discuss your needs. For your privacy and discretion, sessions are held in professional rooms at Mona Vale (Northern Beaches Sydney) and St Leonards / Crows Nest (North Shore Sydney).

Call Amanda
0416 004 200

St Leonards / Crows Nest Clinic

Suite 113, 545 Pacific Highway
(cnr Oxley Street)
St Leonards NSW 2065

Mona Vale Clinic

Suite 5, 90 Mona Vale Road
Mona Vale (Warriewood) NSW 2103